Marriage is a beautiful thing and was created by God to ensure procreation and continuation of the offspring of humanity on earth. However, God never left us in the dark as to how this sacred unification is to be established, and that was why the scriptures in Amos 3:3 state, “Can two walk together, except they agree?” This very scripture is a very fundamental principle of marriage. Hence, all other principles that uphold the union of a man and a woman in marriage are an extension of the principle of agreement.
When the subject of love between spouses is treated, many things come to mind. To some people, taking each other on dinner dates and getting certain romantic gifts for their spouse is their definition of love. While to others, creating time to be with their spouses and going out on planned vacations to be alone with each other is their understanding of this subject called love. Although different couples possess different perspectives of love expression to their spouses. Here are ten important ways you can do better at expressing love to him/her.
Understand your spouse’s temperament:
A husband and his wife are only joined together when they come together to a common consensus for marriage. They never grew under the same roof, nor were they brought up by the same parents. This implies that they were brought up by different rules and training, which spans their religion, informal education, finances, thought pattern, and understanding of life. As a result, there’s bound to be some level of disparity in their ways of life.
As a spouse who wants the best for your home, you have to study your partner and know his/her temperament to different things. What’s his temperament to money when it comes to the home’s finances? What’s her reaction to disciplining children when they’re wrong?. And as could be seen in the Bible, Abigail knew her husband; Nabal’s temperament and saved the entire male in his household by doing the needful.
Over the years, as couples journey into more years of marriage, each of them tends to exhibit certain characteristics and attitudes that are not necessarily obvious from the beginning of their union. These characters can majorly be due to the presence of children, unforeseen circumstances such as the husband losing his job or his business crashing, etc. Any of these might cause an unexpected change in attitude, and your husband may choose to keep quiet on many things. Expecting him to narrate himself might not be a good option at this stage. A better way is to ask him about what’s going on and show you’re not only interested in his success but also in his failures.
Create more time for physical communication together:
As popular as this point may seem, its absence has been why many homes are in shambles today. Most spouses tend to talk more with their colleagues at work than their partners at home; some spouses even go as far as replacing physical communication with showers of surprise gifts. As nice and fine as surprise gifts can be, it’s no replacement for physical communication. Sometimes the arrival of children and the price that comes with raising them will eventually change the course and time of physical talks together with each other. However, deliberately create time to spend with your spouse.
Cover up your spouse’s weaknesses or inadequacies:
No matter how much your spouse must have hurt or disappointed you in a certain way, exposing her weakness outside your matrimonial home is never the best way to address it. Remember, you are not also perfect, and hence seek methods to employ by which your partner’s weakness can become your area of strength.
Reassure your love and commitment to your partner:
Most people believe that the show of love is beyond words, which is true to a very large extent. Verbalising your love for your spouse can not be ruled out of the big picture. Research has shown that men are attracted to what they see. In contrast, women are attracted to what they hear. You need to reassure your partner of your love and commitment as a couple.
Be deliberately interested in your spouse’s goals and progress:
A genuine show of interest from you in your spouse’s endeavors is the biggest motivation and encouragement he/she can get from you. It takes selflessness to take a genuine interest in whatever project your partner is executing. This habit might not be inherent in you because of your kind of person. Nevertheless, remember your partner needs all the support and cheering he can get from you to break through in any career or field of work.
Show an unabated level of love for your spouse’s family members:
Many couples find it difficult to extend the same love they have for their hubbies to their family members. The result of not loving your spouse’s family member may sometimes lead to unnecessary strife and enmity. A unique way of loving your spouse is by showing a deep likeness for his/her parents and siblings. This sends a good message to your spouse that you care about their origin and gives them a special sense of honor and respect.
Pray for (and pray with) your spouse:
In addition to all the ways you can display affection for your partner, the most effective is prayer. Praying for your spouse should be more than just a religious thing to be done. This is because his/her life will literally depend on the covering your prayer provides. The foundation of every godly home is predicated upon prayer and must be sustained by prayer. Hence, a very loving spouse must be able to get on his/her knees and present his/her partner to God. Whereas, praying together will make both of you a formidable team against the wiles of the enemy.
Complement her effort:
The weight of the house chores of the home, without controversy, has always rested on the woman right from time immemorial. Generally, due to the nature of the husband’s responsibility as the head and provider of the home, certain salient points would excuse him from the house chores. But with all sense of truth and care, if you really want to love your spouse better, offering to assist with her numerous responsibilities to the house will be much appreciated (especially for homes with kids). Although it may not be convenient for the man to do this, time could be created from his busy schedules to show his wife his steadfast support and how much he appreciates all she does in the home.
Give some level of privacy:
Not all times are meant for lingering together; as much as intimacy is well encouraged and emphasized to couples, there is a good need for discernment. Spouses must know when always to give that space to their partners. After all, each of them was alone before paths crossed; there would still be need for some time alone. In most cases, your spouses may not say it out so as not to sound cold and unwelcoming to their partners. Hence, it’s best that as a show of love and selflessness towards your spouse, try to discern when they need to be alone for compelling reasons. This will foster love and friendship rather than separation.
The list is not exhaustive; these ten ways to love your spouse better compiled above are only parts of the numerous ways that could be adopted to show respect, love and care. As couples grow together, they get to understand each other more and better. A successful marriage doesn’t work by mistake; couples must put in some level of work and diligence while also trusting God to steer the ship of their marriage to succeed.